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2012 Election
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December 25, 2010 - Florida Keys - John Bartus Keys Disease: Time For The BS (I mean, BCS!) Perhaps the biggest change to college football, at least since the addition of alumni fund-raising operations, is the advent of the BS – I mean, the BCS. Sports fans, coaches, and sports writers were always unhappy with the arbitrary and capricious way in which a National College Football Champion was selected, a process that involved smoke-filled rooms, a lot of mystery, and copious amounts of whisky. So, a lot of them got together and created a new arbitrary and capricious way to select the Champion. This new selection procedure took all the elements of the old procedure and added computer-based evaluation to the mix. Full of pride over their accomplishment, they christened the new selection procedure the BS. I’m just kidding about that. The Bowl Championship Series has totally eliminated all controversy surrounding the College Football Post-Season (just ask Boise State) and has given us fine champions through a newest huge bowl game. The Tostitos BCS National Championship Game is sort of like the Super Bowl of college football, except that there aren’t any good bands at halftime. BS – I mean, BCS proponents argue that the BCS system is the best way to choose the champ. The BCS website is chock-full of supporting quotes from college coaches, like this from Oregon State’s Mike Riley: “I like the bowl system. I like the opportunity for a lot of teams to have a successful season and to get a chance to go to a bowl game. We don't need to limit that to whatever the playoff deal is.” Whatever the playoff deal is??? Is there a deal, Mike? What do you know that you’re not telling us? Hmmm… There are many who would love to see a playoff system for college football. Take the top-ranked 16 teams, place them into eight existing bowl games (they would just become part of the playoff system), and take four or five weeks to play out to a national championship. The Final Four could be New Year’s Day’s college football schedule, and one or two weeks later, we could have a legitimate Tostitos (non-BCS) National Championship Game. It looks good on paper, but… The real reason we’ll never see a playoff system is the same reason why we started calling bowls strange names: Corporate Sponsorship. College football is big business, and with all the TV, licensing, and sponsorship revenues out there, they’d be fools for even thinking about changing the system. And we all know that 100% of these college football players are there just for the football. Sports are the real reason we have colleges and universities; academics are just a by-product. Education is low on the list of official BCS and sponsor priorities. Who cares about that when there are gobs of cash to be made, right? Anyway, this year’s BCS showdown pits the undefeated Auburn Tigers (13-0) against the undefeated Oregon Ducks (12-0). The undefeated Texas Christian Horned Frogs will have to settle for playing No. 5 Wisconsin in the Rose Bowl. Next year should show us an improved University of South Carolina, building upon their impressive victory over Florida State in the Chick-Fil-A Bowl, and turning into a championship contender in 2011 (a man can dream). And new Corporate Sponsorship opportunities await those interested in a bowl game of their very own. Rumor has it that Kiwi Brands, Inc., the parent company of Sara Lee and others, wants to name a game after one of their biggest brands. See you New Year’s Eve – Storm Watch at the Key Colony Inn!!! - John Bartus is a singer/songwriter, former Mayor of the City of Marathon, and past President of the Greater Marathon Chamber of Commerce. John performs New Year’s Eve and Saturdays at the Key Colony Inn, Mondays at the new Cabana Restaurant and Tiki at Banana Bay resort, this Wednesday at Hawks Cay Resort, and Thursdays at Sparky’s Landing! In addition, John’s CDs make great Christmas/Holiday gifts! CDs are available at his performances, or go to www.johnbartus.com. December 26, 2010 - Marathon - L. E. Shaffer: Some Things Never Change. David Maimon made the newspapers again. I am sorry to say that you cannot trust anything this one says, when he plays all sides. Councilman Dick should beware of a Maimon speaking kindly of a Ramsay “idear”. Not so long ago, David was trying his best to dethrone Dick. Maimon provided information all the way from Tallahassee to the streets of Marathon. Ramsay’s Grassy Key metal firehouse may have merit. With Maimon speaking out of both sides of his mouth puts the metal firehouse in question. My advice, Dick, use extreme caution for those who appear to publicly love you and your ideas. And now onto some other media pitfalls: the Florida Keys Journal made Mike Puto the so-called Mr. Marathon (c) 2003 - 2011, 2012. Mike appeared to deserve such praise for all that he does. The problem is that anyone can be brought down by one bad choice. Offering money under the table to a candidate at Castaways is that bad choice. Mike Puto is no Mr. Marathon (c) 2003 - 2011, 2012. Mr. Marathon (c) 2003 - 2011, 2012 is supposed to be a man of honor both publicly and privately. The Florida Keys Journal has high standards, and this media outlet will not be loyal to someone who makes a bad choice. Other media outlets seem okay in perpetuating Puto as this Mr. Marathon (c) 2003 - 2011, 2012 myth. Right is right; and wrong is wrong. December 27, 2010 - Monroe County - L. E. Shaffer: I Can’t Believe I am Saying This But… The City of Marathon and the county cannot and should not try to solve every problem big or small. Risk and liability are not just words. I know there will be some shocked that I add this as a New Year's resolution for the city and the county, but sometimes you got to go with your gut feeling. This Fruit Stand fiasco is ludicrous! I don't love FDOT, but give me a break. The Fruit Stand people have been given some prime-spot suggestions better than where they are now. Why is there such obstinacy? Just because you have most people behind you does not give you license to push the city into increasing its risk and liability. Like I said, the city and the county cannot make exceptions to everyone who asks politely with voters behind them. This is now a time for responsibility not setting precedents. What the Fruit Stand is really doing is cheating us, the taxpayers, and the struggling workforce. ECMC even has the audacity to ask for more funding from the county that has to cut its budget, or we all are going down the toilet. This whole thing makes me uncomfortable. The Fruit Stand and ECMC and CAMP have finally turned me from avid supporter to a concerned taxpayer, business owner, and a working stiff. The county and the city need to wake up and smell the coffee. Popular things are not necessarily a slam dunk. Some councilmembers and commissioners need to use their brains and learn that sometimes "no" is not a bad word. Even I, a yes-first kind of person, know that no is sometimes required as a responsibility. I know, this kind of article is really unusual for me. I thought that I would never see a non-profit not deserving of support and praise. I woke up, realized the economy is not stable, and temporarily every dollar is precious. Safety is more important than fruit stands, CAMP, and ECMC. Besides, a failed school system needs to get back to basics not support ALL the extra-curricular activities. Let's get our priorities straight. Just say no. December 28, 2010 – Marathon – L. E. Shaffer: Photos Just Before FKSPCA Takes Over Marathon Florida Keys Shelter – Are I got to be very familiar with the cat sanctuary in the back of the facility. I learned about each cat there. None were sick, vicious, feral, or unadoptable. I fear that they no longer have the freedom and protection of their sanctuary. I have a bad feeling even if any are still alive. That is what FKSPCA is all about. Their policies are NOT no-kill, NOT conducive to Marathon resident’s desires, NOT friendly to anyone stopping unannounced to visit old friends, and NEVER should have been allowed to serve the county anywhere. The only viable solution is the kind of no-kill, friendly, educational, and home to all viable life animal or not. I ask again for proof that all my cat friends including the dogs I grew to love are still alive. I know for sure that many were ripped from the only loving home available to them. A community is reflective of how it treats our animal friends. SHARK cannot take over soon enough. Still, we all want to know where all of our animal friends ended up. ARE THEY EVEN STILL ALIVE – DATED PHOTOS SHOW THE TRUTH… Photos are by L. E. Shaffer: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2095743&id=1520682211&l=0c3782b084 December 29, 2010 - Marathon - L. E. Shaffer: Marathon City Council New Year's Resolutions 2. How about Marathon City Council following its existing rules or at least modify them to their liking. e.g. agendas are supposed to be locked in by Thursday. That includes lay downs just before a meeting. Exceptions would have to be voted on by the council. They are, after all, supposed to be in control of their own rules. 3. Jim Lowry But one must remember the difference between a Law, a Rule, a Guideline, and a Regulation. 4. That is good, Jim. I make that another resolution. How about changing a winning vote from simple majority to three votes needed? Something between simple and super majority. I like it. 5. Marathon City Councilmembers must not work directly with any city staffer. Only two that are allowed are City Manager and City Attorney. 6. Marathon City Councilmembers must start working on 2011 budget now and provide greater opportunity for resident input. If the council insists on cutting tax revenues again without holding the other taxing entities accountable like the school board, then I have some suggestions. Cut council to 3 members. Stop hiring new positions. Sell city land. Everyone must pay for staff time. Put committees, boards, and commissions on standby or cut meetings to quarterly. Stop paying the county for services that are doable by city cheaper and more effectively like getting own cable channel, moving all meetings to firehouse, show all meetings live, record all meetings for repeat viewing. Sell city equipment not involved in safety and resident welfare. Eliminate council funds. Cut councilmembers' pay and benefits. There is more, much more. Get serious or resign. 7. Jim Lowry As far as the City Budget... Something MUST come first, IN ORDER... The first thing a city, county or country MUST do is protect its citizens, as in Crime and Fire/Rescue. Next is public health, as is medical care. EVERYTHING else comes ... below that. During these times, the third thing Marathon must do is bring in dollars. The industry is Tourist. Money spent to bring in Tourist should be a dollar spent brings in AT LEAST 20 percent more than goes out. Now looking at the rest, the city SHOULD have a database setup with a user program whereby the Managers CAN DO a Trend Analysis from the last 5 years of data going forward. This Analysis should be Monthly, Yearly. And Include everything from paper clips to stamps, to Health care to road work. Without this ability, the City Leaders and Manager are guessing... And that does not work in Business or Government. The Trend Analysis can be written in house in a few weeks or brought in and setup within 30 days. The cost... it will pay for itself 10 times over the 1 first year... Without a Full Trend Analysis the city WILL Always be guessing.... THIS MUST BE DONE NOW not next year or year after, BUT NOW. GET the Tools needed to see everything. 8. Wow, Jim, good for you. I can use some of your stuff in a quote. I would add that the city does not need a 5 or 10-year plan, but they must filter all their decisions through the 5 and 10-year lens. Like if we do such and such now, whatever it is, what are the results 5 and 10-years later. You would see very different decisions if that process was used. As you said, you do not mess with safety. Someone gets maimed, killed, complete loss of property, and all the council's cheap decisions will come back on them. Our new firehouse is worth more than every penny spent. What is the value of your health, life, or property? Expenses in any structure are easily mitigated. I don't know about this Ramsay metal buildings thing. I hesitate to call it stupid, as there are times some of his "idears" are pure genius once you get past what initially appears stupid. NO, Dick is not stupid, but a few of his ”ideas” stirs that outburst in me. lol... 9. Marathon Code Compliance and Code Board are broke. Marathon City Council must insist that the Code Board abide by the code that they are supposed to adjudicate. The Code Board is the final stop for cases that the city's Code Compliance Department could not get to comply after trying everything to do so. If you want your friends, family, and friendly contractors to escape any justifiable code complaint, stack the deck with appointments to the Code Board and get rid of honest Code Compliance Officers. Then reduce funding for the whole shebang. Lastly, defang the rest of the poor city employees in the Code Compliance Department. I say that the Marathon City Council must fix this either by doing the right thing or just eliminating both the Code Board and Code Compliance Department altogether. 10. Marathon City annual contracts change very little. This leads to increased customer complaints. There is no incentive to improve or at least maintain high quality customer services. If a new bidder appears, there is a concerted effort by the original contract holder to sabotage that bid. If the original contract holder perceives that rebidding at a higher price is possible, they engineer a competitive bidder to bid the same contract. The original bidder knowing that the new bidder has no chance gets away with raising the contract amount, even though providing less quality services and ignoring customer complaints. Contract holders should not hold the city captive. The city must reward good service and fine for bad services. 11. Marathon Planning Department Head George Garrett is good at his job. But if you promise to get your AICP, then he must get it. The City Manager should insist. Don't make promises you are not going to keep. That applies to Marathon City Councilmembers too. 12. Jobs, jobs, jobs. Latest economic news shows Middle Keys unemployment still at 8.5%. Normal is in the 3% range. Marathon City Council must take whatever action required to address this issue. Saying this is not our job or we cannot do anything is unacceptable. One thing council must do is ensure the new Walgreen's store honors its promise to hire 20 locals. They made that promise at the Marathon Planning Commission meeting. 13. The City of Marathon and the county cannot, should not, try to solve every problem big or small. Risk and liability are not just words. I know there will be some shocked that I add this as a resolution, but sometimes you got to go with a gut feeling. This Fruit Stand fiasco is ludicrous. I don't love FDOT, but give me a break. The Fruit Stand people have been given some prime spots better than where they are now. Why is there such obstinacy. Just because you have most people behind you does not give you license to push the city into increasing risk and liability. Like I said, the city cannot make exceptions to everyone who asks politely with voters behind them. There is a time for responsibility. What is the Fruit Stand is really doing is cheating us the taxpayers. ECMC even has the audacity to ask for more funding from the county that has to cut its budget, or we all doing down the toilet. This whole thing makes me very uncomfortable. The Fruit Stand and ECMC and CAMP have finally turned me from avid supporter to a concerned taxpayer. The county and the city need to wake up and smell the coffee. Popular things are not necessarily a slam-dunk. Some councilmembers need to use their brains and learn that sometimes "no" is not a bad word. I know, this is really unusual for me. I thought that I would never see a non-profit NOT deserving of support and praise. I woke up, realized the economy is not stable, and temporarily every dollar is precious. Safety is more important than fruit stands, CAMP, and ECMC. Besides a failed school system needs to get back to basics not support all the extra-curricular activities. Let's get our priorities straight. Just say no. 14. The City of Marathon spends an inordinate amount of money on paper. Other Florida cities of similar size have moved to iPads or their ilk to reduce costs significantly. Actually, the council has five laptops, one for each councilmember. Why are they not used? What about City Hall? I love the staff; they can do no wrong in my eyes. Sorry, but this paper thing takes precedence. City Hall is overwhelmed in paper even with a computer on every desk. What part of electronic paperwork don’t we all NOT understand? January 1, 2011 - Florida Keys - John Bartus Keys Disease: Happy New Year Predictions! This year, I’m going out on a limb. When I say limb, I mean sturdy reinforced concrete support with handrails and a harness. I have my legacy to worry about here. Anyway, here we go. The University of South Carolina Fighting Gamecocks will win next year’s SEC Title and College Football National Championship. No, I haven’t been smoking anything. The Miami Dolphins owner, Stephen Ross, upset over last year’s pathetic showing, will fire himself. The NFL will relocate the New York Jets to Los Angeles in order to place a team into the largest metro market; angry Jets fans will switch allegiance to the Buffalo Bills. The Miami Heat go on to win the NBA Finals over the Los Angeles Lakers, even though Shaquille O’Neal will have left the Celtics and patched things up with Kobe to play for the Lakers after the Celtics lost to the Heat. O’Neal will use a record number of Icy Hot patches to ease the pain. In a related story, Comcast will fire O’Neal and hire the loveable LeBron James. The Florida Panthers will continue to play all their home games at the BankAtlantic Center. The Florida Marlins will play their last year as the Florida Marlins before becoming the Miami Marlins and invading their new digs in 2012. They will be a contender, but will have all their talent traded by the All-Star Game. The Monroe County Commission will vote to require a unanimous vote to pass any ordinance or resolution. Nothing will ever happen again. The City of Marathon will be unofficially renamed “Road Construction Ahead” by the Florida Department of Transportation. The Pigeon Key Ferry will be the fastest transportation service anywhere near the Middle Keys. People will begin to realize that no matter who they send to Congress, nothing constructive will ever be accomplished until our officials – including staff and lobbyists – start putting country ahead of party and money. Then, they’ll curse and turn American Idol back on to see who our next musical stars will be. The Geico Gecko will be spotted in the company of an unnamed female iguana (not Mrs. Geico Gecko) here in the Keys. At first, Geico will stand behind the gecko. After little igueckos start hatching from eggs all over the island chain, however, the resulting interspecies scandal will force Geico to dump the gecko faster than woodchucks chuck wood. Fidel Castro will visit Miami. Angry members of the Miami exile community will advocate boycotting themselves. BP will spend the rest of the $20 billion set aside for recovery toward the “recovery” of their image; people with claims against BP will fill out paperwork until they expire from frustration without seeing a penny. The Weekly Newspapers will finally submit their humor columnist’s work to several newspaper awards committees; they in turn will shower the Weekly with awards for photography. Wilson, the soccer ball lost at sea in the Tom Hanks movie Cast Away, will be seen sunning himself at Sombrero Beach and will turn up for a game at the Marathon Community Park. Unrecognized as a celebrity, Wilson will become deflated and disappear into the mangroves. And finally, I’ll be appearing with Storm Watch tonight (New Year’s Eve) at the Key Colony Inn. That one you can take to the bank! Happy 2011!!! - John Bartus is a singer/songwriter, former Mayor of the City of Marathon, and past President of the Greater Marathon Chamber of Commerce. John performs Saturdays at the Key Colony Inn, Mondays at the new Cabana Restaurant and Tiki at Banana Bay resort, this Wednesday at Tom’s Harbor House at Hawks Cay Resort, and Thursdays at Sparky’s Landing! In addition, John’s CDs make great Christmas/Holiday gifts! CDs are available at his performances, or go to www.johnbartus.com. January 2, 2011 - Florida Keys - Jason Koler: The Weekly Newspapers Dictionary – 2011 Edition - Those who make it soon replace their glassware with Styrofoam and new skills begin to appear. Such as being able to tie a double-improved clinch knot, drink 18 Sloppy Ritas, and skin an iguana. Jeans and sweaters appear as soon as the thermometer dips below 70° and those who have been to a hurricane party don’t look forward to prospects of another. Then, and only then, can one be considered a local, but for the Keys’ newest wave of transplants who are just arriving (or hiding) in the Keys, the staff at the Weekly Newspapers has compiled definitive explanations of our regional dialect. A artificials: n. a fake lure used to attract a specific species of fish; a new wave of Keys socialites with cosmetic upgrades and fake tans B bubba: n. slang for the ruling class of the Keys and their offspring. Now in their twilight, the bubbas are quickly losing power to conservatives and conservationists. C chum n. fish attractant conch: n. marine shellfish or a person born in the Keys, both are sensitive to environmental issues until they are deep-fried, pickled or retire to Ocala D diving: v. popular underwater activity where a self-contained underwater breathing apparatus is used for prolonged water submersion; also used to thin out the tourists during lobster mini-season dolphin: n. two varieties, but only one is served in restaurants; the other is taught ‘behaviors’ and supposedly exhibits more intelligence than conchs drinking: v. a popular Keys pastime; also used to woo the opposite sex, sustain the local economy, and solidify political alliances. F fishing: v. a popular Keys pastime; also used to woo the opposite sex, sustain the local economy, solidify political alliances, and import foreign crops flats: n. usually referred to as “the flats,” a good spot for fishing, watching seabirds, and running your $40,000 boat aground and paying double its worth in seagrass restoration float: n. what spring breakers add to their daiquiris; also used as a perch to observe the abundant, topless tourist, during fantasy fest G gauge: n. used during lobster season to measure crustaceans (see tickle stick) golf outing: n. a fundraiser usually accompanied by mid-morning libations. green: adj. embracing the island lifestyle of reduce, reuse, recycle, and compost your food. Being green is the new black and not just a color in your box of Crayolas. Also, (see chum) H I illegal downstairs enclosure: n. illegal: yes…outlawed: no. commonly referred to as the “in-law” quarters J K L M N O P Q R S stormwater: n. after a rain, water draining off the island into the ocean is full of contaminants T trailer: n. see affordable housing. U V W X Y Z January 6, 2011 - Marathon - Jeri Sears: Near Shore Waters Committee Notes. The following information is from 1. Citizens' Comments: A. Earl Young, Dennis Lee, and Mark Walsh of American Underwater Contractors attended the meeting to listen to the PPS program by Rich Jones. 2. Rachel Key Lighted Marker : A. The Rachel Key marker should be installed this weekend. 3. Council Report: A. The council was pleased with the work being done by the NSWC. 4. Channel Markers in Coco Plum, Avenue A: A. Richard Tanner and Patti Childress are addressing this issue. 5. Street signs and Marina signs: A. The marina has a new sign. 6. Pilot Program PPS: A. Rich Jones, who is compiling all the data for the program, gave a very informative PPS. 7. Mangrove Trimming at Coco Plum Bridge: A. George Garrett suggested that the issue should be directed to Code Enforcement. The mangroves on private property are the responsibility of the property owners. Code Enforcement can contact the property owners who abut the canal and the city can handle the permitting and contracting for trimming. 8. The next meeting will be held on Feb, 3, 2011 at the Marathon Fire Station. Sincerely Jeri Sears January 8, 2011 - Florida Keys - John Bartus Keys Disease: That’s Just Super! I’ve since discovered something that makes the above seem rather cheap and chintzy. Four weeks from this weekend, America and much of the world will be tuned in to the biggest hypefest known to modern man – a huge marketing opportunity disguised as a sporting event, one even more shameless than the Tostitos B(C)S College Football Alleged Championship. Gird your loins, because it’s almost time for the Super Bowl! Like many of you, I’ve watched more than a few of these championship games. And, like many of you, I’ve often appreciated the quality of the advertising more than the quality of the game itself. (A few years ago, I had turned my gaze away from the TV at the precise moment of Janet Jackson’s “wardrobe malfunction” and missed that game’s highlight.) I have even sometime wondered what it would take to see one of these games in person. It turns out that the only correct answer is An Amazing Amount of Money. I never would have imagined just how much, however. Remember when ticket scalping was illegal? Some would say that it still is, but only for you and me. If you’re an official ticket reseller like StubHub, or you’re Ticketmaster and want to start your own scalping service called TicketExchange, then ticket scalping is totally legal. So, keeping that in mind, you really want to go to Super Bowl XLV? So-called “cheap seats” in the upper corner, approximately 4.5 blocks away from the action on the field, are available for the low price of just over $2,000 per ticket. Fear not, o distant observer: the huge HD JumboTrons at the new Dallas Cowboys Stadium will let you watch the entire game on their in-house, closed-circuit TV system (sort of like you were watching from home)… The real Big Spenders will want to spend their Super Experience observing from the comfort and safety of a suite or skybox. That way, a person can eat and drink and watch the game on TV (just like at home) while still actually being there. Get ready for a little sting, however: suite tickets (I’m not making this up) are going in the six-figure range. There’s a single seat in the Hall of Fame Suites going for, and again, I’m not making this up, $587,074.00 (plus the ticket pickup fee of $15.00). That’s not a misprint. Nearly $600,000 for one ticket to one football game. I suppose that we as a society should be grateful that people who can afford to drop hundreds of thousands of dollars on a football game live amongst the rest of us mere mortals. The infusion of their cash into our economy means that NFL owners can hobnob with politicians who will vote to commit tax dollars to building bigger stadiums… NFL players can afford to have their kids chauffeured to private schools from their homes in gated communities… and that the janitors who clean the stadium restrooms can still earn their $7.25 an hour. Can you hear the trickling? Turk Coury, 1941-2010 It is with sadness that I note the passing of a local entertainment legend, Thomas D. “Turk” Coury, Jr., who died on Christmas Eve. I first met Turk when I had just arrived in Marathon, some 27 years ago (he and his good friend Dave Scott were the entertainers who drew the big crowds back in the early 1980s and beyond). There are some good musicians and singers out there, but not as many good entertainers. Turk was legendary for his ability to keep an audience entertained and for having as good a time as his crowd did. More than almost anyone I’ve ever known, Turk lived life to its fullest. Turk was a nonstop, 24/7, adrenaline-soaked kick in the pants, and those of us who knew him will always have our stories and our memories. His energy and joie de vivre still make it impossible for me to think of Turk as gone; I still think he’s spending time entertaining the crowds in his other adopted home state, Alaska, or perhaps near his home in the Berkshires. Turk waged a long battle with cancer, but he never seemed to let it get him down. The last time I saw him, he was in great spirits and still ready to take on the world. When Dave Scott posted the sad news about Turk on his Facebook page, there were a lot of R.I.P. wishes and messages. I couldn’t help but think that wherever Turk is now, he’s probably not doing a lot of resting. If heaven was short on parties and good times, I think they have a new social director. Party on, Turk. Turk’s ashes will be scattered by the Kenai River in south central Alaska, the Florida Keys, and in Connecticut. - John Bartus is a singer/songwriter, former Mayor of the City of Marathon, and past President of the Greater Marathon Chamber of Commerce. John performs Saturdays at the Key Colony Inn, Mondays at the new Cabana Restaurant and Tiki at Banana Bay resort, and Thursdays at Sparky’s Landing! In addition, John Bartus & Storm Watch will perform Saturday, January 15, at the Florida Keys Seafood Festival in Key West! CDs are available at his performances, or go to www.johnbartus.com. January 14, 2011 - Marathon - Blair Shiver Report: Open Container Discussion Postponed |
“I think our two speakers who spoke to this item are just the tip of the iceberg,” he suggested when the draft came up for discussion. He asked to meet with each council member individually for feedback before presenting the ordinance to the public for input.
During their Dec. 18 meeting, the council directed staff to draft an open container ordinance, but attorney John Herin cautioned that in all the time he’s served as legal counsel, the city’s long been hesitant to criminalize conduct.
“We have a draft already in place that we’ll continue to refine,” Herin offered.
Vice mayor Dick Ramsay added he believed an open container ordinance is something the community needs.
“I wish we’d done something two years ago,” he admitted in last month’s meeting.
Councilman Mike Cinque reminded the council that Marathon is a city of tourists and vacationers.
“I don’t want to use a sledgehammer to kill a fly,” he cautioned. “I want to make sure we don’t have any unintended consequences with this.”
Prior to this week’s meeting, city staff expressed concern with the timing of the ordinance, concerned that it could be perceived as targeting the homeless population in Marathon.
But Capt. Chad Scibilia of the Monroe County Sheriff’s Office agreed he saw an open container ordinance for Marathon as a way to address the issue. People hanging around the bus stop between the Publix and K-Mart shopping centers, Scibilia clarified, is not a crime. It becomes an issue when people are drinking, tempers escalate and fights occur.
“Only when it becomes a battery issue and someone decides to press charges do we then make arrests and take people to jail,” he reiterated. “From a law enforcement perspective, incarceration is the last resort. We want to educate the people there on resources that might be available to help them. Our goal is always compliance, not incarceration.”
Key Colony Beach resident Jim Pettorini asked the council exactly what issue they were trying to address with the draft ordinance.
“If the city is trying to address vagrancy and loitering, there are already laws in place,” Pettorini offered, adding that what he called “an unneeded piece of legislation” would likely hurt blue collar workers “who’ve got dirt on their hands, who likely speak English as their second language and are likely people of color.”
Dep. Brad Colen took The Marathon Weekly on a tour of area homeless camps this week and said the only way to manage the various areas, often littered with shoes, sleeping bags, rucksacks and countless empty beer cans, is to keep a letter on file from various landowners giving MCSO permission to remove unauthorized inhabitants from vacant property.
In other business: • The council voted to move their vacation rental regulations from the Land Development Regulations portion of the city’s Comprehensive Plan into the Ordinances. The first aim of the vote was to eliminate the need for any possible changes in the future to be approved by the state’s Department of Community Affairs.
Mark Friedman, a long vocal proponent of stricter regulations against vacation rental properties, pleaded with the council for a clear and concrete ordinance.
“Please take the handcuffs off Code Enforcement,” he implored. “We thought we moved to a place where it would be nice and relaxing, but it’s become a hell hole. Your vote is for the residents or whether or not you want the free for all to continue.”
Cinque questioned Friedman’s alleged “handcuffs” on Code Enforcement before reminding the council not to get hung up on the minute details of the ordinance.
The primary focus of the ordinance changes have been focused on proper licensing for vacation rental properties, the agents who manage the properties and to remove repeat offenders from the rental pool.
Snead said a major level of frustration among the residents has been that they didn’t know who to contact to lodge a complaint.
City Planning Director George Garrett reiterated that 80 percent of the ordinance on the table was taken verbatim from regulations already on the books.
“We’ve put more teeth into it,” Cinque concluded. “If they don’t have what we ask for, then they’re not going to be an agent anymore.”
One of the contentious items Cinque referenced is something the majority of property managers and rental agents already require - vehicle makes and model from renters occupying a property. The vote also clarified parking parameters for vacation rental properties, specifying they could park on the street shoulder of the unit being rented.
• With two trips scheduled for the mayor, manager and finance director to visit Tallahassee and Washington, D.C. in March, Hernstadt request a $10,000 increase in the city’s travel contingency fund. Councilman Rich Keating supported the motion, along with his fellow councilmen.
“The squeaky wheel gets the grease,” Keating nodded.
Ramsay agreed that to date, he felt the city’s money to pay state and federal lobbyists had been money well spent.
• Supported by the Community Image Advisory Board and Greater Marathon Chamber of Commerce, Cinque requested the opportunity to implement a test program in which every other industrial streetlight along U.S. 1 in Marathon would be temporarily shut off. The goal of the test program, with permission from FDOT, is to give the community a more tropical, hometown feel.
“I don’t believe any amount of landscaping will improve the highway with that type of lighting out there,” Cinque suggested.
January 15, 2011 - Florida Keys - John Bartus Keys Disease: Holding Court
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, “Where am I, Cathy?” ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan!
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you s------g me?
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Getting laid.
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Take a guess.
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
Key West Seafood Festival This Saturday, I’ll be performing with my band, Storm Watch, at the Florida Keys Seafood Festival at Bayview Park in Key West!!! Drummer Glenn Faast, bassist/guitarist Christian Davis, and keyboard man Chris Thomas will help me rock out the festival at 4:00 p.m., with an encore set at 8:00 p.m. Other performers include country star Amber Leigh (and her great band), Hot Tropic, Craig Eubank, and a solo set from Chris as well. We’re going to have some big fun, so come on down to the Seafood Festival in Key West!
- John Bartus is a singer/songwriter, former Mayor of the City of Marathon, and past President of the Greater Marathon Chamber of Commerce. John performs Saturdays at the Key Colony Inn, Mondays at the new Cabana Restaurant and Tiki at Banana Bay resort, and Thursdays at Sparky’s Landing! In addition, John Bartus & Storm Watch will perform Saturday, January 15, at the Florida Keys Seafood Festival in Key West! CDs are available at his performances, or go to www.johnbartus.com.
January 21, 2011 - Marathon - L. E. Shaffer: Let's Harass the Ugly People Too & Run Them Out of Town Along Marathon Florida’s Publix has a large parking lot. The public comes there to go shopping at one of the little shops or Publix itself. While Manager Steve Levine insists that it is private property allowing him to harass homeless people and other undesirables. Consulting an ACLU source, the US Supreme Court decided this sort of thing. Given the property’s nature and use, the parking lot is considered “the commons” and as such is not subject to the limitations allowed to private property. This applies to the Winn-Dixie/Kmart/McDonald’s parking lot, Town Square Mall, Home Depot, Office Depot, and main post office. Have you taken time to know these so-called undesirables? Look them in the eye and shake their hand? Made the effort to listen to their stories? This proposed open-container law has exposed this raw underbelly of Marathon. Let us say a tourist or snowbird goes into Publix, buys a beer, and goes back to his car or truck drinking that beer right out in the open. Mister Steve Levine is nowhere to be seen and not an objection anywhere. Now one of our homeless, probably a veteran, gets that same beer, goes to the shade of a nearby tree, and drinks that beer. O, my! The world has ended! The fact that there are no facilities to take of care of our homeless means nothing. Oops, that old nasty US Supreme Court says otherwise. We need to get rid the justices too! Anyone offering a smidge of friendship, understanding, and help is now reviled. We cannot encourage “these people”. And, please, please don’t feed them, keep them out of our churches, and no way do we want to see them in and around Publix. Perish the thought that Manager Steve Levine might get upset with a beer can in his trash bins. When I go for my daily walk, I walk right through several parking lots. In my shabby walking gear, I look and probably smell like what people imagine as homeless, vagrant, and a no good son of a bitch. Well, the SOB part might be true, sorry. Because I live in my apartment, thank God, I can go through the lots. Not if they do not know me though. Someone is bound to stop me eventually. Publix Manager Steve Levine? Deputy Sheriff? Border Patrol? Wow, can you believe this crap? We all have an obligation to live as free men and women. We all are connected. What you do to the least of these will be done to you. Who next, blacks, Asians, Hispanics, white people? Or how about we run all the ugly people out of town too. Let me ask you if your perceptions would stand in the presence of Jesus or some other of God’s creation like angels? If they were homeless, what would you think then? I say again, “Marathon Florida's attempt to regulate open-containers in public except for approved events seems okay on the surface. The problem is that its unintended targets are Hispanic, black, and the homeless. They all represent so many veterans. More than that, they are us, human, frail, and one paycheck from disaster. You don't need to be a minority to be poor.” An open-container law with few unintended consequences might be okay provided it be equally enforced on all of us including the well-paying tourists. Constitutionally, whatever is done cannot be enforced on the homeless if there are no facilities to take them. And beware who appears homeless; they cry out for help that is an obligation should you be walking among angels unaware. January 26, 2010 - Marathon - L. E. Shaffer: Mike Puto and I ran into each other and began a meeting to get You know, Mike Puto, everywhere at once trying to please everyone. That is an impossible job, but try he does. And for one moment of an unwise incident does not erase the enormous contributions that Mike has made and will make in the future. While the Florida Keys Journal owns "Mr. Marathon (c) 2003 - 2011, 2012", it is time to assign it permanently to Mike Puto who does the best he can, more or less like all of us. Now Mike and I want to move forward for the best of Marathon residents. Marathon needs to move forward on a number of issues small and big. One such project that Mike and I discussed at length is starting an annual 3 on 3 basketball tourney at Jesse Hobbs Park. I already signed up the Florida Keys Journal as a sponsor. Let all the players from the city, to businesses, and the participants make another annual event to help ourselves and the local economy. I visited every home between 36th and 46th street among all the other communities including businesses. The community is engaged and knows what it needs to make their community better. They are willing to work. They are willing to take charge of their community. What they do not need is a train procession of heavy, dirty, dusty trucks coming within feet of people's homes. You know what I mean. No one asked this community if their narrow road could be used. Go down 42nd Street. It is narrow, but more importantly there are historical churches and other buildings. When any minor rain comes down, the churches, the homes, the playground flood. Erica has cleaned out her home so many times she cannot remember a time of no flooding. We must build an injection well instead of a French drain. Both sides gave up too easily. Put both sides together and have that big preacher man stand at the door, the only way out. Let's solve this. There are neighborhoods all over Marathon that has similar issues, and they find that separately they cannot get over the noise level to talk to their city councilpersons. Starting with the 36th to 46th Street Community, we are in the process of starting a local political action committee. This will just be the beginning as we intend to expand this to every community willing, and there are many. For you see 2 or 3 people from 36-46th Streets cannot overcome the barrier between them and their council. With a political action committee, you now have more than 60 registered voters who vote. Now councilpersons are going to listen, and listen to all the other political action committees we can form before November 2011. The challenge is on, and we need everyone to help. Call me or call Mike, we are standing by to help improve Marathon as the residents see it. We cannot stand still doing nothing, else we all fail together and more good people leave Marathon. January 26, 2011 - Marathon - Jeri Sears: 75' Yacht & Most Certainly More to Come. Standby, Marathon, be ready.
The Marathon City Marina is stepping up in the world of boating. The marina now has a 75' Fleming motor yacht named the "Valkyrie" on the dock. The yacht is absolutely gorgeous!
Pictures by Richard Tanner.
Jeri Sears
January 27, 2011 - Marathon - L. E. Shaffer: The Indomitable Vice Mayor Dick Ramsay. We ended up at
We talked about what is ailing us. I suppose that marks my new era as a 60-year-old. Dick is 70 something and mumbled some thoughts of his on that particular situation. I forgot my hearing aids and did not pick up everything. I am satisfied that he is in good health. Me? I got an appointed with Miami Surgery Urology Clinic. You know, technology, now all sorts of procedures can be accomplished, and they send you back home. How convenient.
Dick and I discussed the state of our fine city and concluded we are not doing so bad notwithstanding our differences. What? You expect us to agree on everything? The state of the City of Marathon is good. We enter the second decade with infrastructure needs like satellite fire stations, public works facility, and even a city hall before it floats away in the next hurricane.
As Dick reminded me, we have to finish the wastewater, stormwater, and gray water systems. We cannot get too far ahead of ourselves. Just the job of maintaining our fair city is so very important to councilpersons.
I call for respect from all sides. We can accomplish much together, and fail if not. And failure is not a choice.
Dick Ramsay is the first of a new program for the Marathon Florida Keys Journal. Periodic face-to-face meetings at LeighAnn's where we can look one another in the eye and shake the other's hand. If we let the political barriers down, there are many items that we all agree on. Of course, getting there is the sticky point and produces multiple answers. Some would say that is government moving at the pace of a dead snake (R. Mearns). Others would say that the whole thing is a "process". Yes, you know who you are!
Regardless, working together as a community gives us the extraordinary ability to accomplish anything no matter how hard or impossible. Marathon is our community. Marathon is family. Marathon is my home.
January 28, 2011 - Marathon - Blair Shiver Report: Saga of the Trees Signs, palms and lighting discussions continue |
But after Vice Mayor Dick Ramsay questioned the costs for initial installation and watering of the high-maintenance coconut palms, the saga appeared to conclude at Tuesday night’s regularly scheduled council meeting.
In a memo to the council, City Manager Roger Hernstadt estimated time commitment for maintenance – one day per month for two Public Works employees plus the cost of materials and solid waste fees for any palm fronds – to total an estimated annual expense of $9,500.
Ramsay further referenced the City of Key West’s current efforts to replace existing coconut palms at the island’s main entrance.
“With coconut palms, maintenance on these things is short of horrendous,” Ramsay noted. The proposed site is on the gulfside of Coco Plum Drive and the highway. He added that the greenery provided by existing mangroves at the site prompted him to question whether or not the council should consider installing the trees further west into Marathon.
“It will beautify and give a more tropical appearance,” said councilman Pete Worthington. “Is it the best location? Probably not. But any beautification is good.”
Mayor Ginger Snead asked whether the $9,500 was available in the current budget, to which Public Works Manager Carlos Solis said “No,” saying the money would have to be appropriated from somewhere else in the current budget.
Halioua contended that maintenance on the trees would be nominal after the first year or two, and installation and watering could likely be completed for $5,000-$6,000.
“I’ve been waiting for many years, and I want to plant them before I lose them,” he insisted. “You supply a little good will, and maybe we can change the image of Marathon, sir!”
Finance Director Peter Rosasco said at the council’s direction, he could possibly qualify $9,500 from the general fund or monies earmarked for street maintenance.
“Capital infrastructure would include planting at cost,” he elaborated. “Maintenance is not something that can be paid out of capital infrastructure.”
Hernstadt’s memo also included a reminder that the city’s Land Development Regulations require 75 percent native plantings, and all of the city’s park and wastewater projects have abided by that standard. Halioua agreed to increase the percentage of native trees in his proposal to 40 percent.
In other business: • Ramsay brought forth a proposed partnership study with the Florida Keys Electric Co-op and the city to install lighting along the Aviation Blvd. bike path. Former city manager and FKEC board member Mike Puto said the utility would like to conduct a feasibility study on a couple different types of light fixtures with input from residents in that area. He estimated a preliminary cost for the lights to be at about $12-14 per month and confirmed that the study would be conducted at no cost to the city.
Snead prodded Puto to simultaneously revisit the possibility of moving utility lights further from the bike path – a project she said the city had been quoted a very high price in the past.
• The city granted a temporary Certificate of Occupancy to the Keys Fisheries for their 800-foot expansion of the elevated bar above the restaurant dining area. Planning Director George Garrett said both he and the building inspector had examined the expansion and recommended issuing the temporary CO so they could open earlier than the planned date of March 8.
• Council approved a contract with Keys Grafix and Sign of the Florida Keys, LLC for $30,878 for new city entrance signs and establishing individual facility signs pricing for future facility signs.
“You have individually and collectively expressed concern with how the signs look,” Hernstadt told the council, further clarifying that there was “wiggle room” with the conceptual sign design over which many in the meeting expressed disappointment.
Keys Grafix co-owner Jeff Pinkus promised the company would work with the city in any way necessary to draft a design on which the entire council can agree.
“Your sign is the face of your business, and your business is the city,” Pinkus offered.
Worthington cautioned that the proposed entrance signs would be the third set the city had installed in 11 years of existence.
“I’m on board with changing, but I’m not on board with how fast this is moving,” he cautioned.
Councilman Mike Cinque motioned to direct staff to work with Pinkus on the conceptual design and moving forward, but Ramsay vocally opposed the motion.
“I’m sick and tired of how many signs we keep putting up and taking down just because we don’t like them,” Ramsay expressed. “I believe there are alternatives.”
• Solis reported that the council’s proposed test plan to temporarily extinguish every other industrial street light along U.S. 1 had not yet been implemented because a circuit shortage had extinguished all the lamps between 41st Street to Aviation Blvd.
January 29, 2011 - Florida Keys - John Bartus Keys Disease: You Just Can’t Make This Stuff Up
Let’s start with those wacky Mexican smugglers. Getting marijuana across the border into the United States is nowhere near as easy as it was in the days of Cheech and Chong. The authorities have so many ways of finding herbal contraband that it doesn’t make sense to truck it through the border checkpoints. What’s a smuggler to do?
CNN’s online outlet released some photos and video footage, courtesy of the Department of Homeland Security, that shows the latest in how the Mexican hooch haulers are getting their packages closer to their final destinations. The headline reads: “Giant Pot Catapult Found At Border.”
In other drug-related news, Orlando TV station WKMG recently produced a piece on the dangers of a new high that carries serious health risks. The headline: “Synthetic Cocaine Sold as ‘Bath Salts.’” I had no idea that anyone would actually entertain the idea of shoving personal hygiene products up one’s nostrils… but there are things I’m just not meant to understand. In addition to bath salts, some of this ersatz blow is sold in little gram bags labeled, and again, I’m not making this up, Pixie Dust “plant feeder” or Snow Blow “herbal party snuff.” I suppose that if there are such things as legal (fake) pot (legal buds, spice), then legal coke wasn’t far behind.
The legal synthetic marijuana substance was even the subject of a CBS Evening News piece last summer. Although legal, there have been some nasty side effects reported to health care professionals and poison control facilities. Although I’m sure he didn’t mean for it to come out like this, Dr. Gaylor Lopez, director of the Georgia Poison Center, was quoted as saying (and I’m not making this up), “We started seeing a mushrooming of calls.”
This just in on CNN: Ohio Congressman Dennis Kucinich Sues Over Olive Pit in Sandwich! (Does anyone really care?)
(As I typed the above parenthetical question, my web browser quit unexpectedly. I’m not making this up. I guess Congresspeople have their little feelers out all over the place…)
Also from CNN: “Megachurch pastor Joel Osteen Says Criticizing His Wealth is an Insult to God.” Really.
From Yahoo News: “Body of TV Quizmaster Snatched From Grave.” Why someone needed to exhume the body of an 85-year-old former game show host and former person is a mystery. According to the story, however, it is not the first time that the body of a famous personality has been snatched in Italy. It must be zombies.
Facebook friends may be even friendlier than we thought, as this headline affirms: “Social Networking Leads To Sex Faster.” It’s the new “digital intimacy.”
Here’s a shocker from the Lone Star State: “Texas Only Has Enough Lethal Drugs For Two Executions.” I guess it’s break-out-the-rope-time. The existing supply should last through Tuesday.
Next, a story from the City of Brotherly Love: “Housing Agency Spent Thousands of Dollars on Belly Dancers, Luxury Bags.” In addition, the authority’s executive secretly spent more than $500,000 in housing authority funds to settle sexual harassment claims.
According to this story from ABC News, it seems that many of the nation’s low-income housing programs are plagued by theft, mismanagement and corruption at local levels, including millions in federal tax funds spent on housing for sex offenders and dead people.
We’ll wrap this up with an update to a story that’s been making local headlines; namely, the piano on a sandbar in Biscayne Bay. It seems that a local South Florida teen and his father are behind the stunt. Nicholas Harrington, 16, told WPLG that he was behind the mystery, with a little help from his friends. “I liked the idea of an anonymous piano out there, no explanation to it,” he said, adding that he viewed it as art for a portfolio in a future college application.
So why did Harrington come forward with his story? It’s because someone else falsely claimed responsibility for placing the piano on the sandbar! William Yeager (a noted prankster) said he and a fellow filmmaker have placed pianos in various cities. Since the real story surfaced, however, Yeager has been humming a different tune. Officials say no charges are likely to be filed against anyone in this case of the piano that went to sea.
- John Bartus is a singer/songwriter, former Mayor of the City of Marathon, and past President of the Greater Marathon Chamber of Commerce. John performs Saturdays at the Key Colony Inn, Mondays at the new Cabana Restaurant and Tiki at Banana Bay resort, and Thursdays at Sparky’s Landing! www.johnbartus.com.
 The Dull Stuff All opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect those of this magazine, company, or its advertisers. Inputs, email, suggestions, and letters to this journal are subject to approval by the Journal Editor. Submittals may be edited for content and length and become the creative property for the one-time nonexclusive publication of:
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Florida Keys Journal Digest of Last Month's Daily News
WELCOME TO THE JOURNAL'S MONTHLY DIGEST
my notes taken at the NSWC meeting. I make no claim to the correctness of the information. 
Courtesy of 
back to improving Marathon. While some unintended events took place, generally speaking there was no harm. Mike deserves on the other side of the ledger all the good he has done and will do.
LeighAnn's Coffeehouse, my unofficial official office. I stepped to the counter to order us some drinks, but Dick paid for it. I did not object. My mom taught me to accept gifts graciously and say thank you. Thank you, Dick, the Cafe Mocha is great.